Mixed Messages

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You have a gorgeous lawn. You have invested a lot of time and money making it just so. Your hedges are perfectly trimmed. Your carefully pruned garden is bursting with color. Your grass is so lush and green it makes your neighbors wonder if they really have the same water supply.

Hey, you know the only thing that would make it even more beautiful? A cartoon sign of a dog pooping!

If you are the owner of such a sign, I understand why you’d want to put one up. It must be horrible to spend those hours toiling away on your hands and knees, only to have some stupid dog do you-know-what in your prized flower bed. (Or, more accurately, have its stupid owner let him.)

But I implore you: Use the money you’d spend on such a sign and buy a box of plastic baggies and just clean it up. You’re up to your elbows in dirt all the time anyway — surely you’re brave enough to handle picking up a little unauthorized fertilizer.

Or here’s an even better idea: Use that money on a pair of binoculars, an air horn and a dog whistle, and then wait for the offending dog/owner to appear. Trust me, they’ll never come back again.

And while we’re on the subject, here’s one for the City of Cambridge: The Community Garden sign has got to go too. The aggressive MEMBERS ONLY stance is really sending mixed messages.

Besides, anyone who would have the audacity to steal flowers or vegetables from the obviously designated plots won’t be deterred by this sign. As for the rest of us? We’d never dream of doing that. We just want to wander though and admire its beauty. It was created for the community, after all, not just the few people who remembered to sign up early for a plot. How about a friendly sign reminding us to be gentle and not pick flowers and vegetables?

Short of that, maybe those who are lucky enough to get a plot can take turns guarding it with that air horn once the dog situation has been resolved.