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Readers often plead with us to stop the insanity. And all we can say is, "We're trying." That's why in each newsletter, we attempt to answer your most perplexing questions about writing and grammar.
In this installment, one fed-up executive wants to know why the majority of business writing sounds so robotic. Well, there are two plausible answers: We're all unwitting participants in Stepford Wives 2: Office Invasion!, or people just don't know how to write conversationally. We choose to believe the latter.
Question:
Dear Hired Pens,
What are we, robots?
--Head Honcho in Halifax
Answer:
sup honch?? not everyone rites like a robot!!! well, g2g!
See what we did there? We call that "giddy seventh-grader writing." Sadly, it's just as common as the overly formal, faceless, "robot writing" you reference.
So, what's a fed-up executive to do? Simple: Teach your employees to write conversationally (or hire us and we'll teach them). Conversational writing is the ideal style of writing for business because it's easy to read and professional, but never stiff. So why aren't people doing it? They don't know The Hired Pens' Three Magic Rules of Writing Conversationally.
Rule One: Remember that you are writing to a real person.
Yes, even if that real person has a fake job title, like internal optimization coordinator or chief visibility officer. The simple act of visualizing the actual reader will help keep your writing friendly, but work-appropriate. Please note: You do not have to visualize this reader in his or her underwear. (That would be inappropriate.)
Rule Two: These "real people" don't have time to waste.
We don't know what an internal optimization coordinator or chief visibility officer does, but no doubt it's hard work. Writing conversationally speeds up the reading process by stripping out the speed bumps: jargon, acronyms, slang and anything that appears in your teenager daughter's text messages or SAT prep book.
Rule Three: Don't write like you talk, unless you're Barack Obama.
People often take "writing conversationally" to mean writing like you talk. And that's great ... if you're a masterful orator. If not, here's a snapshot of how they — and their fleet of speechwriters — do it.
- Their sentences flow naturally: Shoot for logical and easy to follow.
- They favor the right word over the big word: Communicate meaning; don't send your reader to dictionary.com.
- They don't go on too long: Say what you need to say, then say goodbye.
- They never forget their audience: Don't talk down to anyone — or over their heads.
Whether you're trying to win an election, win new business or just get someone to RSVP to your Webinar, applying these three rules will help you get the J.O.B. done. (Unless you write that.)
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