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By Anna Goldsmith
By the time you read this, I'll be on maternity leave. Now don't panic; I'll be back soon. In the meantime, I've tried to anticipate any questions that may come up in my absence. Here are a few of the most pressing.
Anticipated Question #1
Dear Anna,
Why does it seem that all serious writers have a serious caffeine habit?
~ Sedated in Somerville
Dear Sedated,
Not all serious writers have a serious caffeine habit. Some have a serious drug habit. But the point is, Sedated, if you want to be successful at anything, writing or not, you have to take things seriously, and adding a little sugar never hurts. Well, unless you're diabetic, I guess.
Thanks for writing,
Anna
Anticipated Question #2
Anna,
I have a two-part question. First off, I listen to a lot of sports radio and am so sick of advertisers' lame attempts to link baseball with their product. Why are these ads so dumb? Also: If you and Dan were to be the official copywriting sponsors of the Boston Red Sox, what would your ad be?
~ Insane in Essex
Dear Insane,
While I'm not a big fan of sports radio, my husband is, so I've heard a fair number of these ads. Do I like them? No. Do I think they're creative? Absolutely not. But here's where I get stuck: Maybe despite all this, they are good ads. If by "good," you mean "effective." Take Giant Glass. Even as a non-listener, I can tell you what to do "when your windshield's busted": Call Giant Glass (1-800-54-GIANT). So yeah, maybe The Hired Pens should get in on the action.
To answer your second question, how about: "Not hitting it out of the park with your copywriting? Call The Hired Pens for a guaranteed home run every time." Now slap on a 1-800 number, turn it into a jingle and bam! We can start annoying Greater Boston, too.
Cheers,
Anna
Anticipated Question #3
Anna,
What's your take on semi-colons? I hate them. Do you hate them, too?
~ Sick of the Semi in Sheldon
Dear Semi-Sick,
I hate them, too. They feel old-fashioned and stiff to me. Nine times out of 10, you can get away with an em-dash or a sentence fragment, but that 10th time? You've just got to use it. It's kind of like visiting your crotchety old aunt on Christmas — you don't want to, but it's the right thing to do. And unlike that aunt, a semi-colon will never poke your thigh with her knitting needle if you ask for a second slice of pie.
Good luck,
Anna
Anticipated Question #4
Dear Anna,
If I have a copywriting emergency while you're away, what should I do?
~ Worried in Wichita
Dear Worried,
Wow, I didn't think I had any clients in Wichita. Cool. While I'm gone, my business partner, the ever-capable Dan O'Sullivan, will attempt to handle all client copywriting emergencies. Also, he can probably come up with a Red-Sox inspired radio spot that is much better than mine, considering he actually is a fan. So feel free to ask. And I'll see you in a few months! Or maybe not, considering you're in Wichita.
Until then,
Anna
There, I hope that helps. And feel free to keep a running list of your questions. I promise to answer them all when I return.
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